Saillas J. Sandivar

baby...

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 12:43:35 GMT

for anyone who's interested...

MILES CURTIS MAITLAND
8/20/04

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y57/saillas/HPIM0471.jpg


http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y57/saillas/HPIM0200_edited.jpg

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y57/saillas/HPIM0435.jpg

my beautiful little muppetling...
email me if you want my new journal page...

love you all... renee

...

Thu, 29 Apr 2004 04:49:50 GMT

...

... ...

what have i done to deserve so much hatred and malice? i... i really don't know... but it frightens me. it deeply frightens me.

apparently... i have changed. that's funny, i really hadn't noticed. but words... that otherwise would not matter to me are for some reason shaking me to my very core tonight. (if you don't know what i'm talking about, and would like to, see steve's last couple of posts and their associated comments; which, i would like to add, just for the record, that i only happened to find because of his apparently disgusted comment on my last entry)

am i such a terrible judge of character...? have i been so very blind for all this time...?

my god, manda... i had no idea.

i feel ill. like everything and everyone i thought that i had were only shadows that i skewed to my own perspective. it makes me eternally and expotentially more grateful for what i have now, let me tell you...
and i know, that was not the reaction they all wanted.

sorry guys, but NO ONE is gonna make me feel guilty about the things that have happened, and how i have handled them. you can't... nope, sorry, no guilt here. only a shaken, startled person, who wishes that people would just be, and let her be...

steve... that comment about the cat... that was fucking below the belt, uncalled for, and you know it! and that is the only scolding in the entire post i will do. i'm too fucking tired to do anymore...
i will not be drawn back into yet another debate about our past. i've said everything i ever care to say about it.
oh, and incedently, you could very easily figure out who that annonymous poster is if you only thought about it for a moment or two... there aren't many people in the world who would stand up for me that way.
friends... with me, it just sadly a short list.

maybe i'm being very melodramatic. i don't know. i don't really care. i just...
don't understand.

i love my husband so much... and i'm so proud to be having HIS child... planned or not. we will do as any decent parent does... we will deal. and life will go on...

thank you becky, for consoling me, once again... you didn't know this would be part of your job as my kid sis, did you? sorry for all the drama, kiddo. i love you so very much more than i can explain...

jin, phil... i will contact you in some other way. i can't stand having my happiness... which i have had to fight so very hard for, i might add, critiqued like this... with such calor and disrespect.
especially from people who have no fucking clue. and therefore, in my mind, have no fucking right.

ps... one of the strange ironies of the world is that my most recent (and last) ex-boyfriend, who i (in a moment of TRUE weakness) DID actually say things to that i partially regret because they were very hurtful... is the only one who still speaks to me with any kind of care. and yet, many others, who i never verbally attacked or cast aside without extreme provocation... remain spiteful. my respect for jake has actually returned somewhat...

--fin.

stupid doctor...

Wed, 21 Apr 2004 23:47:30 GMT

my obstetrician just called me fat... told me i was eating too much, it was too salty, and i was retaining water. fuckhead. as if i didn't feel chunky / low enough.

but fuck him, we are moving, anyways...

that's right.. i'm leaving memphis again. not quite as far away however. north of jackson, tn, to aprox. where willie's parents reside. its the middle of the country. i have mixed feelings about it. i will be terribly out of my element. not to mention, we are taking a fairly big leap of faith, here. i'm terrified that we will be too isolated, and tear on each others nerves... and that i will be shunned because of the whole small town / pagan / artist / freak thing...
but then again, its not like i really get out much here, either.

we got a brand new car... it is very very cool. '04 honda (of course) civic. 'magnesium' colored, lx model, cd player, manual, power steering, lots of muppet space... as you can imagine, my wonderful father is responsible. thanks dad, once again...

we put a deposit down on a house last night. the people really liked us for some reason, whatever that maybe. $450 / month, 2 br, 1 bath, front porch, screened back porch, double carport, ENORMOUS kitchen (gorgeous)... they had another house we looked at, but its much farther away (willie's probably gonna be working at the walmart in milan). the people want to sell it to us... but we've gotta figure out how to scrape the money together for that, first.

speaking of which, i've gotta pay some bills now. i just wanted to write and tell everyone that i wasn't sure when i'd be back on here... all goes well, soon. all doesn't, i have no idea... but i love you all. be well. must pack.... g'night!

a moment of silence...

Thu, 08 Apr 2004 15:38:15 GMT

my cat is gone... we went to the casinos sunday night (to play in the hot tub, yes its worth $49 :) )... and right before we left winni was hanging around outside, like always... he even climbed into my lap while i was sitting in the car...

and now... he is nowhere to be found. i think he has been catnapped... he had his collar on. and he is obviously someone's pet, fat and friendly. and yet, his food bowl sits undisturbed for four days now. he's nuetered, had all his shots... HE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT A STRAY!!
and then yesterday... his little gay buddy from next door, starcracker (don't ask, that's what happens when you let a two-year-old name an animal) was outside in our yard, mewing and all alone.

he is gone.

pout.

i hope he is alright... where ever he may be.

i think i'm gonna be bad today...

Wed, 07 Apr 2004 18:23:14 GMT

i have an evil plan... all things considered, we need a camera. in aprox. four months, i'm gonna pop out a muppet. we've been talking about getting a digi for... well, since we've been together... sears has a sale... i have the sears card... there's a coupon if i use my card... and there's a camera in the flyer for $197.
what else can i do, except sneak to sears and get it, surprise him! :)

tehehehe... apparently, also, i have yet to say anything nice about willie on here?!?!? god, what is wrong with me? i guess, like always, i use lj to vent... so i only write when there's something wrong. so... yeah. yay for willie! that's nice, right? ;)
no, really, he's an awesome boy... he takes such good care of me...

i think i'm gonna force myself to write at least a couple of hours a day from now until august (everday i don't work, that is -- which is frequently, unfortunately)... so maybe, i'll actually have something publishable soon. but for now, i am off the grocery, for free milk, and cokes! later... :)

ok, i'm killing time here...

Sat, 27 Mar 2004 01:20:14 GMT

[ Name ]: rachel renee maitland
[ Born in ]: freeport, il
[ Resides in ]: the ghetto... memphis, tn
[ Good student? ]: well, certainly not anymore, but then again, i never really was
[ Eyes ]: brown with hazel edges
[ Hair ]: somewhere between dirty blonde and brown
[ Shoe size ]: depends... mostly an 8.5

Last time you..

[ Had a nightmare ]: heh... the last time i opened the fridge!
[ Said "I love you" and meant it ]: about 2 hrs ago
[ Ate at McDonald's ]: my wedding day, got ghetto breakfast
[ Dyed your hair ]: last summer, when i renewed my black streaks
[ Brushed your hair ]: oh lord... i have no idea
[ Washed your hair ]: about 11:30 last night
[ Cried ]: umm... i'm pregnant...
[ Called someone ]: about 45 min ago
[ Smiled]: when i was at 'the store' a couple of hrs ago
[ Laughed ]: same thing (russ was j/king about paying me out of petty cash)
[ Talked to an ex ]: ummm... day before my wedding. jake called to pout about not getting to come! oh my life is strange

Do you...

[ Smoke? ]: normally, not right now
[ Do drugs? ]: sometimes
[ Have sex? ]: always
[ Sleep with stuffed animals? ]:constantly since i was a baby... i have a little red floppy dog who desperately needs to be washed in our bed now...
[ Have a dream that keeps coming back?]: oh yeah... damn those zombies
[ Play an instrument? ]: piano (a little)...
[ Believe there is life on other planets? ]: duh
[ Remember your first love? ]: yeah, he lives not too far from here (well, his body lives... his mind is definately off in space somewhere!)
[ Still love him/her? ]: yup...
[ Read the newspaper? ]: when i'm bored or just feel like being argumentative
[ Have any straight friends? ]: yeah
[ Consider love a mistake? ]: never... despite all that it does to me and everyone else
[ Like the taste of alcohol? ]: depends on the alcohol... kahula anyone?
[ Believe in God? ]: define god...
[ Pray? ]: constantly... don't really get an answer, but...
[ Go to church? ]:nah, they tend to want to hurt me.
[ Have any secrets? ]:from who?
[ Have any pets ]: winni, the goofy cat
[ Talk to strangers who instant message you]:use to
[ Wear hats? ]: hehehe... i have a cookie monster tobagan!
[ Have any piercings? ]: ears... maybe more someday
[ Have any tattoos? ]: yup... big one on my back
[ Have an obsession? ]: all sorts of them
[ Have a secret crush? ]: only on straight girls
[ Collect anything? ]: psychopaths... :)
[ Have a best friend? ]: i'm always hoping for one of those...
[ Like your handwriting? ]: eww. no, i'm a writer
[ Have any bad habits? ]: oh god...
[ Care about looks? ]: who's looks?
[ Boy/girlfriend's looks?] yup... prrrrroooooowwwwwlllll... sexy boy
[ Friends and other people? ]: nah
[ Believe in witches? ]: hehe... this is a funny question... ummm YES
[ Believe in Satan? ]: sure... just not as an ever present evil that lurks in the shadows... that's just my demon ;)
[ Believe in ghosts? ]: god yes...

Current:

[ Dress ]: *embarassed*... party city shirt, khaki overalls... i'm too lazy to change yet
[ Mood ]: anxious
[ Make-up ]: nope
[ Music ]: boa... acoustic duvet
[ Taste ]: gatorade after-taste
[ Hair ]: i told you i can't remember the last time i brushed it, right?
annoyance ]: ted. the fucker who owns party city. too many reasons to list.
[ Smell ]: strawberry jar candle
[ Thought ]: my back hurts... i'm hungry... i hope willie doesn't kill anyone at the balloon counter tonight...
[ Book ]: the one i'm writing
[ Fingernail Color ]: bare.. i can't use polish remover right now
[ Refreshment ]: water... sigh. i can't drink much else.
[ Worry ]: to many to list...
[ Favorite Celebrity ]: whoever does witch hunter robin's dub voice...

Last Person:

[ You Touched ]: willie... i try not to touch too many people, it always seems to lead to trouble
[ You Talked to ]: willie
[ You Hugged ]: willie
[ You Instant messaged ]: becky
[ You Yelled At ]: willie (god, maybe i should get out more)
[ You Had A Crush On ]: i'm finding it dificult these days to determine between people i have a crush on and people i'd just like to fuck once
[ Who broke Your Heart ]: jake...
[ Kissed ]: willie... i think... ;)

Who do you want to:

[ Kill ]: ted
[ Slap ]: ted (not necessarily in that order though)
[ Tickle ]: maggie / murphy (this girl we worked with)
[ Talk To ]: becky... my dad... mollie... kylie... manda... brett... phil...
[ Have Sex with ]: what, you want me to list everyone on THIS list?!!?!?!?
[ Kiss ]:willie... but only if he doesn't eat pizza tonight... eww, garlic
[ Be Like ]: midnight... heh. goddess. (ooo... profound)

sorry guys, its been ages since i did one of these, i couldn't resist

creepy stuff...

Wed, 24 Mar 2004 22:35:03 GMT

look! its a muppet!

this is apparently what happens to a muppet after consuming little caesers pizza. funny, that's what happens to me too! :)

oh, and its a boy, btw... :) ultrasound confirms that and it's due Aug. Friday the 13th... ooo... scary!

lookie here...

Sat, 13 Mar 2004 20:20:13 GMT

no comments about the veil guys, it's a long story...

renee & willie...

ok, so maybe i wasn't THAT pissed after all...

Tue, 09 Mar 2004 15:25:09 GMT

and yes, steve, i did read your response, and i DID appreciate it...

manda... i feel your pain. willie's eye dr bills came back last week. $508. ouch. stupid crappy party city insurance... fortunately, there's no due date on that bill. too bad there are ones on all the others... ;)

i've gotta figure out how to make some more money... heh. think its time to resort to the ebay route... maybe i can get rid of some of these old clothes while i'm at it! :) i do have incredibly too much junk after all.

the honeymoon was good... i have a problem with the nickel slots... i just don't know when to quit! :) but hey, i was up about $150 at one point! and then... it went away. free buffets are good though. :)

the wedding was... interesting. my relatives were outta control. they made me wear this obnoxious veil. (which really, the vale by itself was cool, but being in a pink and black mandarin collared dress, about four months pregnant it was just too damn much) but what could i do? my mamaw made it. and everyone got mad at us cause we wouldn't squish cake onto each other... but, as the pictures i will soon post will show, far too much dragonball would have been injured in the squishing of the said cake...
oh, that was the other thing... we HAD cheesecake. WHY DID THEY SHOW UP WITH WEDDING CAKE?!?! sigh... they meant well.

somewhere, becky is reading this and laughing her ass off.

ummm... other developments... i STILL havn't been to the doctor. but i do finally have TennCare. (which is a beautiful thing by the way) and i have an appt. scheduled for a couple of weeks, so that's moving in the right direction. but as his sister put it, it kinda sucks, cause by the time i get to the doc, it's almost gonna be time for me to start going every week.
i find myself being less and less terrified by labor... and more terrified by what they could potentially find on the sonogram. i guess that's just a first time mother thing. 'oh my god, i fucked it up' syndrome. casey didn't go to the doc until she was almost six months pregnant, either... and lexi is great. but ya just never know... i could have stumbled upon just the wrong combo of tums and benadryl and accidently sleeping on my back to fuck things up. i don't know, we'll see.
i will say this about being pregnant... it's made me realize how crappy i treat my body. i'm not saying that i'm gonna start eating perfectly and exercising everyday or anything... but there's definately gotta be some changes. like breakfast would be good on a daily basis...

ok, nap time. work time will sneak up on me too fast today... later.

Sun, 18 Jan 2004 21:44:43 GMT

it's finally happened... someone has pissed me off so fucking badly, that i'm abandoning this journal. i will start a new one... i'll let people know.

you know steve, it would be different if you had any clue what the hell you were talking about. but you just don't. i could explain it to you, but i won't bother. i'd hate to destroy this little world you've created where you are the absolute victim....
yeah, i know, i'm a fucking bitch and its all my fault... i got you the first 500 times.

i hope you heal soon... i have no doubt your whining is making the people around you absolutely miserable. i thought i had ended all of this months ago...

so, it comes down to this...

grow up.
fuck off.
get over it.
i have.
goodbye.

yeah...

Fri, 16 Jan 2004 00:38:20 GMT

well... this has been an emotionally draining day...

have you ever had to try really really hard to like someone? even though you know you just should... that's what sucks about emotional response, it's involuntary...

so i take willie to work this morning, and there's a strange truck in the driveway next door. we notice, but don't really think much about it, strange people sleep (or don't sleep) over there all the time. i drop him off, and i'm driving back, and my phone rings... i can't reach it, so i wait til i get home, and it's the number for next door. long story short, it was willie's sister, calling from jake's room to ask if she could come hang out and if i would make her some coffee so she could drive back to trenton today.

quick recap... jake left me for this girl. not so they could be together, but just because he's still in love with her. and jake's moving to california in a week and half. apparently, somewhere between her, and the stuff with willie and i, he decided to leave this section of the country.

so she was down here, 'telling him goodbye', whatever the hell that means. she comes over (he does not)... and we talk & listen to music until i have to go to work... and something occurs to me. i'm jealous of this girl. and i have absolutely no reason to be. i don't dislike her at all, but i am truly jealous of her. she makes me nervous. and i am jealous to the point that it makes me uncomfortable when she's alone with willie.

AND THEN I REALIZE HOW INCREDIBLY FUCKED UP THAT IS!!!

of course, i have no reason to be uncomfortable... it's all in my subconcious somewhere... renee grasping for imaginary territory. and on the surface, again, i'm trying really hard to like this girl. the whole thing is stupid.

i go to get willie for lunch... and i tell him about all of it (which she stopped by to see him on her way out of town)... and HE GETS PISSED. not like angry pissed... like depressed 'why the hell don't you like my sister' pissed... so now i'm really confused, cause i expected him to laugh about it. so i go into all of it, about how i'm trying really hard, and i've been really nice to her, despite my unconcious emotional response (which i absolutely can not help)... and he just stays bummed out. and then he says 'well, you get mad at me when i react to something like that emotionally... so i dig a little bit and i figure out what he's talking about... AND IT"S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT...

a couple of weeks ago, i found james online... i was talking to him. willie was at work, and i told him over the phone what i was doing. he broke down... hated it. asked me to stop. i couldn't understand it... he was honestly hurt.

but i don't see how these things relate at all... i understand that he responded emotionally the way i did this morning... but i did nothing to offend him or her in any way. as uncomfortable as i was... i made her coffee, i burned her cds... i talked to her about all sorts of stuff... and i was never rude. ever.
ohhh... and THEN... he pops off with this 'james is this... and james is that...' and i very curtly told him that i was VERY aware of who james was and what he was capable of... that NO ONE needed to tell me about james. and i came back to work.

'are you mad at ME now?'
'yes'
'why? because i insulted james...?'
'no... because nobody has to tell me how it fucking is. i've been there. i've seen it.'
silence...

i stopped to tell him i love him... 'i love you... '
'what, like james?'
i attempted to kick him and missed. i was laughing though... because he really has no fucking clue... some of you who have known me for a long time know how it was... you know the roads i have walked. you know how fucked up a lot of this has been. you know... because i know... some things hurt worse than death. and love, is most certainly one of them...

i'm tired... i want to go home. i want willie to be happy when i get there... i want maccaroni and cheese for dinner. and that... is all that i want right now...

this is fucking funny...

Wed, 14 Jan 2004 00:34:37 GMT

Your Love Situation by Amberishjewel
Username?
Your Love Is...	Dark
During Lovemaking You Act...	Like a vampire, very seductive
Your Partner Is...	Your support
Your Partner Has Said That You...	Are a good listener
Your Love is Summed Up In A Quote.	"One must know how to seduce"

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

strangely accurate, i guess... i'm gonna try to write more later tonight, if i can...

well...

Fri, 09 Jan 2004 23:59:34 GMT

i want to tell him happy birthday... which i mean sincerely... but i just can't. i wish things weren't like this... oh well... heh. i wonder if march 15th will be like this too?
sigh... oh the tangled web we weave...

round and round...

Sat, 03 Jan 2004 01:37:53 GMT

sick cycle carousel...

it's funny thinking about the past. i have tried for years, literally years, to explain to people how i feel. you'd think it would be simple... i AM gifted with words ( not to pat my own back or anything! :)...) and i always try really hard... and the people i'm talking to are some of the smartest i know...

and yet, i have failed...

so... instead of giving up, i have decided it is time to start again. this time, slowly, methodically. with every power of interpretation i can muster...

this is my new year's resolution... to move forward. to move on. to heal and to tell as much of it as i can stand... because i can.

it begins with a revelation...

above all things... i believe in love...

wait.. this is what i've said for years, right?!?! right... but i had started to doubt my own faith... that is just so wrong.
i talked to james not too long ago... and other than his continuing refusal to deal with reality in some places, a sense of peace passed over me. i'm over it. goddamn. it took so fucking long...
but losing jake forced me to deal with a lot of things... above all else, my fear... i had grown afraid of love.

ME! a creature designed entirely on the concept that love is the only force in the universe capable of saving or damning anyone... i was afraid of strong love. real love. and then, while i wasn't looking, it stumbled into my lap. and i was terrified, so i almost let it pass.
but now... i finally gave in, and here i am, emotionally mending by the day. it's amazing what can happen in a year. or two...

i'm wondering now if i was right... probably not. i probably wounded someone terribly. but what choice did i have? it was like pouring tequila on a stomach ulcer... i had to stop it. and since i have, things have improved greatly. my only hope is that i did not inflict permanent damage on my way out... it was never my intention to hurt him at all. maybe i was careless. maybe i wasn't. god only knows.

i think that's all for now...
peaceful night... to you all.

merry christmas...

Wed, 24 Dec 2003 23:52:11 GMT

goofy people... :)

be safe... be merry...

heh, and for those of you who don't know, i am carrying a little muppet! :)
hopefully that brings some christmas cheer to someone! it certainly does to me... later people! LOVES! :)

tehehe...

Wed, 26 Nov 2003 22:41:04 GMT

somehow... this works...

renee spins tunes as
DJ Iced Spice

Get your dj name @ Quiz Me

well...

Sat, 15 Nov 2003 18:12:11 GMT

i got the interview for that job on monday morning! :)

and perfect circle... well, i'm still trying to digest it. mainard... was almost indescribable... i had no fucking idea that he sounds just like he does on cd in person...

more to follow...

i am so close...

Fri, 14 Nov 2003 02:49:32 GMT

i'm waiting to hear back about a potential job... dream job, actually. receptionist / office manager at a massage therapy school... good pay, easy hours, fun work, full benefits... and 2 free massages a week. :) but alas, they have not called me yet...
but that was only yesterday, so there is hope, still...

my head really fucking hurts...

sears struck back... we DID get our dryer, in good working order (and boy has it been working)... but sears froze my card and sent a fraud alert to my old madison address! :) oh yeah, NOW someone cares if my accounts get frauded... IT'S A BIT LATE FOR THAT! :)

perfect circle is tomorrow night... whee! hopefully i will be feeling better... so they don't section me off as a biohazard! eep!

nite kiddies...

fucking sears...

Thu, 06 Nov 2003 23:27:24 GMT

ok, this is just fucking stupid... we go to sears, pick out a washer and dryer, and put the damn things on my sears card. great. so that's all good. then we find out that there's 0% financing right now... even better. we pay $45 for delivery and set up the appointment for today. that was two weeks ago.

so today comes... and i deposit my paycheck, take willie to work, and go by my place to get my stockpot so i can create this wonderous chili for dinner... delivery time comes, and these guys call, then show up about 15 minutes later. i'm thinking, awesome... soon, i will have clean clothes...

wrong.

what do they do? they break the fucking dryer. so now i have a washer, but no dryer. the stupid delivery men walk off and leave me standing there, not telling me anything, except that sears will get us a new one.

i sit down to try and figure out how the hell i'm gonna break it to willie, seeing as we have no clean clothes. in the process, i notice that the moron who checked us out at walmart last night, managed to keep our tomatoes for the chili, mushrooms for the dinner i'm making for willie's dad next tuesday (because he's being so damn nice and driving all the way down from humbolt to help me move my shit), and my apples that i had been wanting for weeks, so i could make this caramel apple kit i got from work. motherfucker.

so, i'm really getting pissed. i call willie, tell him what's up, he asks me to bring him lunch and the number to call and bitch sears out. so i do... it takes him an hour to get anyone on the phone. when he finally does, they act like there's nothing wrong with the original dryer they brought (which for all i know, could be true, cause the fuckers wouldn't let me look at it...) and say they'll bring us a new one next week. willie somehow managed to get them to schedule it for this saturday, when he'll be here... i'll be at work, in dirty clothes.

yes, yes, i know what you're thinking... just go to the laundramat... two problems with that... one, it'll be eight when willie gets off. that means dark. it's already 30 degrees out there now. sitting in an unheated laundramat for an hour while our clothes dry and we're already both sick is the last thing we fucking need. two... I BOUGHT A FUCKING WASHER AND DRYER!!! I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GO TO THE FUCKING LAUNDRAMAT EVER THE FUCK AGAIN!

and then to make matters worse... when i got home from buying new tomatoes, i realized it was freezing in here too. our central heat? it doesn't work apparently.

so here's the mental image ya gotta get.... me, sitting here, on my period, no heat... thirty degrees... on asprin based ulcer medicine that thins my fucking blood and was making my teeth chatter outside back in august... with bronchitis... attempting to make dinner... with a washer, but no dryer, both of which have already been paid for two weeks ago...

oh, and no socks...

i know that no one out there, including poor willie who is trapped at work with a headache and a sinus infection... can do anything about it... but this is fucking riduculous... and i actually feel better now that i've bitched about it a little bit. :)

sigh... on a happier note... i figured out how to make chocolate gravy this morning, which is one of his favorite foods and apparently only his mother (and now me!) can make it right... (and how to do something else that i've been attempting for months, but i won't get into that! ;)... )

and i'm going to see perfect circle next friday! whee! :)

hehe...

Tue, 04 Nov 2003 23:16:39 GMT

ok, i had to take this one...

HANG-TIME

(results contain pictures) What kind of ANIME BOOBS do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

ugh...

Tue, 04 Nov 2003 23:12:28 GMT

the halloween from hell is finally over and done with... now all we have to get through is thanksgiving... then inventory... then christmas... then new years... then valentine's... then... wait, i lost track somewhere...

i am sick and tired of... no, wait, i'm just sick and tired. :)
but i'm actually in very good spirits... coughing my lungs up, but feeling happy! :)
speaking of my lungs, willie made me stop smoking... or i made myself stop smoking for willie's sake... one of those two.

still searching desperately for a new job...
dad says my diploma finally got to the house... so that's at least something...
heh! and willie's mom is apparently as pyschic as everyone says she is, because she called last night to ask when we were getting married (how did she know?!?! god only knows...)
willie's dad on the other hand was quite surprised, but giddy. he's coming down with his truck on tuesday to help move the rest of my crap... (btw... where in hell did i get all this crap?!?!?!)

hmm... thoughtful... i need to go over to the duplex and pack my dishes, but i want to just sit here and cough. john and allison havn't really talked to me since i told them i was leaving... i know think that i'm nutts... come to think of it, i bet pretty much everyone thinks i'm nutts... but that's ok. i've been that way for years...

at work today, i finished all the damages from halloween, helped unload four trucks (about 250 pieces), and did all the receiving for them... not bad for nine hours.

now if i can just get my ass up, find some newspaper, drive to the duplex, and start loading dishes...

heh, yeah. right. have to be tomorrow...

later...

ok...

Mon, 20 Oct 2003 02:57:45 GMT

let's get this update thing outta the way...

life goes like this...
i work at party city on poplar... as of today, i am officially 2nd assistant manager, making less than i was as receiver, but that's ok... i'm on salary. yeah... which means i'm working my ass off for the next two months...

i graduated in august... i'm slowly looking for a better job, but hey, at least i'm looking, right?

um, i was living in midtown with a lady from work... i'm now living in with my fiancee...

yes, that's right, my fiancee...
long story... if you want to know all the really weird details of how i got here? ask, i'll email ya!

and no... i'm not pregnant... (well, that i know of)

ummm, what else?

yipes... i'm hungry and willie started the matrix without me... time to book...

well, what do you know?

Fri, 17 Oct 2003 04:34:59 GMT

i am back... took 4-fuckin'-ever... didn't it? yay for road runner... it is simply amazing...

hmmm....

Thu, 07 Aug 2003 23:17:48 GMT

do you ever get the feeling that some higher diety is holding something large and pointy over your head? i wonder sometimes...
maybe soon i'll get to sit down and list all that has been broken, mended, and fucked up the ass in the past few years...

"how did i get here? how the hell? pan left... close on the steeple of the church... how did i get here? how the hell? oh christmas, christmas eve last year... how could a night so frozen be so scalding hot? how could a morning this mild feel so raw...?"

rent...

sigh... i think i may have finally broken, guys. i think it may finally be too damn much. i don't really know... but for now, i go eat...
maybe he'll change his mind... maybe i'm still worth more than she is. it's just kinda sad i can't see past it anymore.
i love you all...

duh! ;)

Tue, 26 Nov 2002 15:46:28 GMT

What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla